Caffeinated and Calendars: The Choices We Make.
Working Mom Multitasking
Per my previous text message…..
That was what I sent my husband at 7:45am this morning after a very long rant about everything from a melted ice cream sandwich on the kitchen table from the night before (courtesy of one child) to the never ending rides/appointments taking me away from work obligations (courtesy of another child) to the 12 (YES 12) schedule changes that had taken place this week and finally, to the real tipping point of opening the fridge for a Celcius Energy Drink that I had been saving to find dear husband had taken it to work with him.
I’m bringing this blog out of the archives because it was written years ago-prior to what I refer to as: The Pandemic that never had a plan; because I feel like it’s time to remind you (and myself) of the following:
1) how powerful our mindset is and
2) how we are doing the best we can with the resources and information we have at the time. (I’m added my recent updates to the original in bold).
I HOPE THIS FINDS WHO NEEDS TO FEEL SEEN AND HEARD.
At least once a week for the last 14 (16) years, I have heard some version of the following:
"I don't know how you do it!"
"How do you do it all?"
"How do you do it all so well?"
I started hearing these questions shortly after I had my daughter. While still married (albeit unhappily) I didn’t have a lot of support when she was born and very soon after was a single mother. A single working mother. I was never in a position to be a stay-at-home mom, but I also honestly didn't have any desire to be one at the time.
None. Zip. Zilch. ZERO!!!
Yes, that's right--I wanted to work. AND LET ME SAY before we all hop on the judgment train--I think women who choose to stay home with their kids are amazing! Additionally, I think those who chose not to stay home are also amazing. Let's not forget about those who want to stay home but can't --they're amazing too! Women with no kids??? I got you! You're also amazing! (calling all women who are working so hard at doing whatever it is they’re doing-I welcome you with open arms!)
Staying home left me anxious and stir crazy and still does. (enter work from home for the last two years….)Plus, I loved my career (a career that was very different than what I am currently doing)! I loved working! For me, it was a massive part of my identity and my sanity.
Not to mention at the time, I didn't KNOW how to be a stay-at-home mom. Looking back, I didn't know how to be a mom at ALL! Don't get me wrong: I learned how to care for a baby, but I didn't have a clue what "being a mom" was going to look or be like as this bundle grew into a full-fledged human.
WHO DOES?!?!
Even if you have 19 kids and counting, does anyone know what being a mom will be like until you are doing it??? No! If someone told you otherwise, they're a liar because every child is different, and every moment with that child is different from the moment before. What you, as a mom, choose to do on a random Tuesday for your 5-year-old may be completely different from what you choose to do on Tuesday five years later for your other five-year-old. It's a delicate balancing act between making it up as you go and using faith to fall back on in times of doubt. Ultimately, the best you can do is what you believe in your heart is right with the information you have at the time. That's it. A total crap-shoot of looking at the information available at the time and hoping your approach is working.
Fast forward 14 (16) years of mom-life, ten moves, a divorce, eight job changes, a master's degree, a total career overhaul, a marriage, a bodybuilding/fitness model side gig, a small business owner (now turned CEO), and a new blended family later —-here I am!!
Gone from working mom to single working mom, single working mom of multiple jobs, to no longer single still working mom, and now working mom and wife and owner of a small business with two kids. (insert-Pandemic with no Plan) And I am still asked, "How do you do it all so well?"
I used to answer very simply, "I don't have a choice." But then one day, I was talking with my dad, and he quickly retorted my standard answer with:
"No, Kim. That's not true. You do have a choice, and many people don't make a choice you do. And that's fine for them, but it's not YOU. You choose to do what you feel is best for you and your kids. And always have. Despite the unfortunate circumstances, you chose to get up and work hard to provide for your daughter as a single mother. You chose to go back to school as a single mother while working full time to have opportunities to better your future and hers. You chose to do the best you could every day, even on the days you think you're not doing your best. You chose to further your passion and purpose. You chose to be an athlete. You chose to use your experience to teach and inspire others. You make this choice repeatedly because you are choosing to do what you think is best. You CHOOSE NOT TO SETTLE. And that is how you do it. You choose to do it."
So why now? Why all of a sudden is it CRITICALLY necessary that I address the complexities of a working mom? Because I feel it's under-addressed. Under-appreciated. And quite frankly, as I've gotten older and the juggling of working mom life has evolved into a working-athlete-business-owner-wife-mom with multiple kids and schedules and demands (and a Pandemic with no Plan) leads me to believe in my gut, I'm not the only one!!!
So here I sit-almost 14 (16) years later, and yet despite every movie, book, and podcast about 'Bad Mom's and how it's normal to feel the struggle- the question is still asked: "HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL SO WELL??"
The answer is simple.
I don't!!!!
(Truthfully the last two years as a mom/wife working or not have been some of the most trying and defeating years I’ve experienced in a long time). I can't do IT ALL. It's not physically possible. There’s no balance in life. You prioritize and with that some things suffer during some seasons. Do I try? Of course! I squeeze in as much of 'all the things 'in 24 hours as I possibly can while still attempting to keep a sliver of sanity, health, quality time, and romance alive. But I don't do it ALL, and certainly not perfectly with glamorous flair. AND THAT’S OKAY!!!!!
The point is: I can't physically be putting focus and energy into committing to something while also spending time doing other things. (Example, I cannot be downstairs cooking a wholesome made from scratch 3 course meal right now if I’m in my office working because it’s the first time all week it’s been quiet and I can focus). It's not possible. Not even the circus can pull that off. So currently, as we speak, I am not doing it all. I am doing SOMETHING but not "all."
So now that I've debunked the facade that I am this magical creature who's able to do it all, I suppose it's only fair that I stand here with open arms inviting all the other women (moms or not-young or older-working or not working) "NOT doing it all"——- I’m holding space and I welcome you into the Warrior Forward Community-where progress overrides perfection every day of the week. To put it bluntly:
Fuck Trying To Do It All.
Instead, love hard and love more. Don't beat yourself up if you drop a few things along the way. Keep moving forward and pick it up sometime later--or if you don't need it to let that shit go! Find your priorities and your groove and give yourself grace. Most importantly, find your tribe and love them hard--Reach out to those who you connect with and build those safety nets because there is no doubt at some point you are a safety net for some other mom struggling to keep it all together. Rest assured-my arms are open as you continue the day-to-day process and Warrior Forward.
