Have you been in a room feeling like you don’t belong?
you belong.
THINK AGAIN….
My personal story of feeling like a lost or mildly delusional imposture.
I've walked into a room full of strangers plenty of times in my life, but there are a few experiences that stand out as life-altering moments. One of these moments was the first time I walked into my master's class. I felt like a complete outcast. For one, I was the only "resource" teacher in the group and the only person who had worked in multiple schools at multiple grade levels. I had no niche in that particular room. I was also the only one without a teaching degree. Yet, there I was, preparing to spend the next two years of my life with these people learning to be a leader in a profession I never initially saw myself in. I was proud of myself for being selected, but I also felt like a complete imposture. My professor must have sensed we might be grappling with said feelings and told us never to forget "you belong here." That simple sentence got me through many challenging moments, but as I walked across the stage after many failed attempts at earning this degree, I stood proud and tall, knowing I belonged there.
Fast forward five years and career move later, I had similar feelings. I once again found myself repeating, "you belong here," as I wheeled my luggage down the tarmac towards a plane to Phoenix to do something so far outside my comfort zone the idea alone was almost laughable.
Confession:
I've never been a natural extrovert. People reading this might be laughing with an eye roll of "oh come on now, that's not true" because when I'm comfortable, I am very social and outgoing and often participate in things that require attention (competing and performing). Still, in those moments, I'm playing a "role or character," which is very different from being an extrovert. I'm very content with being home in my comfort zone. Jumping on a phone call with a business coach, investing a significant amount of money into a program, and then jumping on a plane to fly across the country to meet, work and bond with a group of women I barely knew was borderline insane.
I felt it too. I'm serious.
I got to the hotel after Ubering alone for the first time (clearly, I don't get out much) and saw a few faces in the lobby (not people I knew well but at least familiar). We exchanged pleasantries and took a couple of photos, and I went back to my room and thought, "ok, that was fine. I can go home now. I came, I saw, I'm good."
If only it were that simple, and thank goodness it wasn't. I didn't have a choice but to stay because my flight home wasn't for three more days, so I figured I would go through the motions and see what this was about...I knew if I was open-minded, MAYBE I could get a little something out of it. I walked into the room the following day with, I hope, a friendly smile and an open heart (in reality, my RBF was probably in full force, and I radiated "back off"). We all had to take turns introducing ourselves, which didn't bother me much because I could put my stage face on and simply present to the audience. It was only after I was finished that the room started clapping and a hug that I truly felt "I belong here." It was a fleeting thought but a feeling that seared my heart in the best possible way.
At that moment, my subconscious walls suddenly started to come down slowly, and I began to see and feel excitement for the adventure I was on. I then realized the blessing and journey I was about to embark. Despite my fears, the reality is I took more away from those 72 hours than I was prepared for, and I am not talking about souvenirs.
Sometimes we all walk into a room and feel like we don't belong. And sometimes, the hard truth is, we may not—YET. But often, we DO belong in that room because it is the path we are supposed to be taking. Usually, when we are most curious and feel this unexplainable pull toward something, we end up exactly where we are meant to be. There were many moments during that time I could have allowed myself to get deterred or talked out of it. I could have let my self-sabotaging convince myself this wasn't an opportunity but rather a temptation. The cost of the program (an amount I had never spent on myself before) or the moment my planes were delayed/canceled/rerouted because of a significant storm. Or when I got to the hotel, and they couldn't find my reservation, or when I finally did get a room and a strange but kind woman on a layover started knocking on my door because she got the same room. Or even when I had to sit out a few early morning events because of my allergies. There were endless opportunities for me to convince myself that I didn't belong. It was my mindset that set the tone for this experience.
But I did belong—more than that.
I NEEDED TO BE THERE.
The journey toward who and where I am today traveled through that experience and paved the trajectory for much to come. I would have missed out on so many opportunities had I allowed my fears and self doubt to deter my purpose.
So the next time you walk into a space or season where you WANT to be, you're sure someone will call you out as an imposture or your inner trauma is in overdrive to convince you that you don't deserve something….tell yourself as you Warrior Forward: "I am a warrior. I belong here."
